Divinity - Chapter 30
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The morning bell had rung long enough ago that they might have been halfway to the noon bell, but Raegn had simply rolled over and gone back to sleep. If Erkan was to be mad at him for showing up late then the ornery cook could take it up with Merced. When he finally did wake, Raegn found himself face-to-face with Tera, her steady breathing still carrying her through a deep slumber. He grinned and brushed a strand of raven hair behind her ear just as she’d done days before at the tavern.
They hadn’t exactly done a whole lot of talking before falling asleep, but she’d apologized and this time stayed through the night. He didn’t even care if it was unintentional—a result of exhaustion rather than conscious choice. Raegn was sure there was probably going to be some deeper discussion about it at some point, but for now he was content with having righted whatever wrongs had come from their first meeting. He carefully slid from the bed so as not to wake her. It was much colder out from under the blanket that she’d helped to keep warm, but he forced himself to move slowly and make minimal sound as he dressed.
Breakfast had already been served and Erkan and Lona were squarely in their preparations for the midday meal by the time he arrived. There was the distinct smell of rosemary coming from several of the ovens and a row of prepared hens on a table nearby. Raegn’s stomach growled as the tempting scent wafted toward him, but he stifled it with a handful of berries now and then between cuts of his knife.
Raegn glanced at Erkan periodically to see if the cook had noticed his arrival. Lona had given him a warm smile when he entered, but Erkan hadn’t ever looked directly at him. It was difficult to see the cook’s head over the deer he was carving apart, but there was no way the cook hadn’t seen him at some point. Perhaps there would be no scolding for his tardiness. Odd, but not unwelcome.
With the only potential stressor of the morning removed, Raegn lost himself in the steady chops of his knife and his mind began to wander. Tera was the only material that filled his thoughts. Her skin had been so soft and the crease where her hip met the top of her thigh so tempting. He wasn’t sure if it was the cold air around them, but it was like they were both starved for warmth with how closely they’d held each other. Just the memory of it was enough to swell his mood to new heights.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Erkan grumbled and rounded on him. “As if we don’t see that ridiculous grin. Out with it!”
Raegn’s eyes went wide and his hand froze mid-slice of the apple. Was he expected to divulge his personal affairs? Surely the cook couldn’t be serious. “Out with what?” he asked, feigning ignorance.
“Your mission, you twit. You’re not dead, so are we to assume it was a success?”
Raegn let out an audible sigh of relief. Of course. Tera hadn’t been the only triumph the night prior, though she was arguably the more memorable of the two.
“I got lucky,” he answered.
“I doubt that.”
“I don’t,” Raegn said with a scowl. He had
gotten lucky, no two ways about it. At best he would’ve been severely wounded if things hadn’t deteriorated into that disgraceful excuse for a fight.
There was a clack as Erkan forcefully set down his cleaver on the table. “Lad, think of every soldier that ever survived a battle. Each could’ve been killed by any of the thousands of arrows that pierced others. Seven Heavens, I could’ve died in the river as a boy if a fisherman hadn’t been nearby.”
“Thank you for describing luck to me, Erkan,” Raegn scoffed.
“No.” Erkan pointed a meaty finger at him. “I’m trying to tell you that there’s no such thing as luck. Those things you can’t control are what is known as life. And it happens to all of us. The reason the soldier didn’t die is because he had his shield up despite his fatigue. I didn’t drown because I kicked hard and long enough for someone to notice me. The reason you’re here and not laying in the dirt is because you have some amount of skill.”
“He had a dagger and I didn’t. If he hadn’t slipped—”
“Then you’ve been given the opportunity to learn. Take a dagger next time,” Erkan said plainly.
“We were instructed to be unarmed,” Raegn protested. “We weren’t there to kill anyone. Giving us a weapon would have given us the wrong idea.”
“You can use the Light, can’t you? Doesn’t that mean you’re never truly unarmed?”
“Heaven’s Law says—”
“Who was around to see, lad?” Erkan sounded exasperated. And a touch angry. But why?
Raegn thought. What does he care?
“If he hadn’t fallen would you have stood there and died to that filth or torn him apart? Is your own life worth that little to you? Are you that eager to die?!”
“No, but if I did then—” Raegn couldn’t get a full excuse in. Erkan wouldn’t allow it.
“Then what? The Church would hold you accountable? Let me ask you, brave Templar—were they open about that mission? Would they want others to know? Or would your actions have been swept away to protect the larger picture?”
Raegn grumbled under his breath. Erkan was always stern with his words but these seemed to be filled with a certain conviction that was absent in their previous conversations. And how did Erkan know so much about the mission? Was he just inferring it all?
“If you’re that worried about it find a more discreet way to use it,” Erkan said off-handedly as he returned to carving away at the deer.
“I was already holding the Light within, but so was he,” Raegn retorted. “It wasn’t much of an advantage.”
“So that’s it then? It’s all lances and barriers and augmentation is it?” Erkan scoffed. “The bastard had a knife. Make your own.”
Raegn frowned. “I don’t even know if that’s possible, to shape it like that. Besides, it wouldn’t be solid like a barrier. The other blade would go through mine.”
“Plan on blocking a lot of attacks with a small knife, eh? You must be very skilled then.”
The way Erkan no longer looked at him while he spoke gave a patronizing air to the words. Raegn rolled his eyes and went back to focusing on his work slicing apples. Lona slid him another bunch across the table but when he reached for them she placed her hand atop his. She stared into his eyes and gave a slight nod of her head in Erkan’s direction. Then she pointed softly at the cook and back at him. And then she smiled.
Raegn studied her, wishing she would just say the words that were so hard to discern from her actions. Was he supposed to be happy that Erkan was talking to him? Or was it that Erkan was happy to have him back?
Raegn watched Erkan grumble softly as the large knife slid through tendon and muscle, expertly separating limbs and hocks of meat from the inedible bits. The stout cook had a certain gristle about him that made being in his presence uncomfortable at first, but even Raegn had to admit that it softened with time. Erkan might even be considered fatherly in some ways. He’d certainly taken in Lona despite the girls' mute condition and she seemed happy to spend each day working alongside the man.
“You’re lucky, you know,” Kai said.
Raegn furrowed his brow, but kept placing the small loaves of bread along the table in the Great Hall. Kai followed him down, pretending to pick over the offerings to maintain the conversation without arousing suspicion. “How so?” Raegn asked.
“I figured when Tera started to shun you that was that. She’s cold to damn near everyone, but somehow you’ve flipped that on its head.”
“She apologized, Kai. We’re hardly close. Nothing like you and Nalani.”
“Oh, she apologized all right,” Kai chuckled softly to himself. “And what a way to do it.”
“Enough,” Raegn hissed. “You’ve made your point and now I regret ever bringing up my personal affairs with you. We’re on good terms, I guess. What of it?”
“I’m just saying you’re lucky.” Kai picked up a loaf and inspected it, then frowned and placed it back down. “Nalani went off to take the Crusader trial without me. At least you have someone around.”
“She’ll be done in another season or so,” Raegn pointed out. “Or is being patient that hard for you? If I catch you sneaking off to a brothel you’ll have to buy my secrecy, you know.”
“You…” Kai shook his head in dismay. “It’s not about having her be physically present. It’s about the companionship. The conversation. The…intangibles, as it were.”
“Oh, yes. I’ve noticed you staring at Nalani’s intangibles on multiple occasions,” Raegn said with a grin.
Kai set his jaw in a firm pout, but couldn’t fight the chuckle that bubbled out. “Fine. It’s about a lot of things. All I’m saying is that I’m a tad jealous.” Kai tossed a small loaf of bread onto his plate and ventured off to find a seat.
Raegn smiled. It certainly had been a stroke of good fortune that he’d somehow gotten under Tera’s otherwise stormy mood. He wasn’t sure how he’d done it exactly, but being in her favor had brightened his spirits. Thus far, joining the Order had been a good decision. He was far from any dissident farlings that might claim glory in seeing him slain and the skills the Order required of its Templar were mundane compared to what Bastion demanded of its Sentinels.
A twinge of remorse bit him at the thought of his home. He’d all but abandoned them at this point. He told himself it was for the best, though. The survivors had made it to Bulwark, of that much he could be certain. The Order maintained regular communication with the legion it had sent to reinforce the final Shield City and he’d read many of the early reports. Uncle Dunstan would certainly take good care of Bastion’s populace. Far better care than Raegn could have provided, anyway.
Even so, guilt tormented him at times. It whispered to him that he should’ve accepted whatever fate the Far East had in store for him. But what good would that have brought? So long as he was alive he could continue to fight—fight what, though?
he asked himself. The Void?
Somehow he doubted that Highlord Orgeron would send him to Bulwark as part of a Templar legion, though he knew he was free to leave if he so chose. He wondered if there would ever be a time that he would. There certainly wouldn’t be a warm welcome for him in Bulwark, not after he’d been gone for so long.
Raegn idly tugged at the ring on his finger while he walked over to another table. The plates would need to be gathered and carried down to the kitchens before he could quit for the day and by the looks of the pile of dirty dishes it was going to take several trips. He sighed, but set about stacking the plates and bowls neatly into a nearby wooden crate. He didn’t notice the raven-haired girl approach until she lightly tapped him on the shoulder.
Raegn spun quickly. He wasn’t sure why he felt surprised to see her, but it was a shock of a pleasant nature.
“I didn’t think I’d be waking up alone,” Tera said in a voice low enough to catch his ear alone.
Raegn’s face paled. He’d meant to let her sleep after a long night, but the implication of what he’d done dawned on him under her stern gaze. No better than what she did to me that first night,
he told himself. Light, don’t let her think it was revenge.
“You didn’t think I’d be upset?”
“Well, no. Not until just now,” Raegn confessed.
Tera approached and gave a soft, yet firm tug on his ear. Then, still holding him, she rose to her toes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “You’re lucky I needed that rest.” She released him and eyed the line of tables with the days fare. “And now I need to eat. Care to join me?”
“Oh!” Raegn’s eyes darted around, unsure if the display of both discipline and affection had caught anyone’s attention. Kai’s, mainly, but fortunately the islander was invisible in the packed hall. “I’d love to, it’s just…” he gestured towards his dirty apron and the dishes behind him. “Bit of work to do still.”
Tera drew her lips into a bit of a pout. “I’ll eat slowly. Hurry up, then find me?”
She didn’t wait for his reply, instead gliding away to fill a plate. Raegn stood there, dumbfounded, and watched her. Was that the same girl that had all but thrown him out of her bedroom and then struck him when she’d learned who he was? She glanced back midway through picking out a bunch of grapes and shooed him with her hand for encouragement. Right. Work,
he thought. He sped through gathering the dishes and stacked them far taller than what could be considered smart. Good fortune blessed him again, though, and he had the table cleared in three trips with not a single plate broken or chipped.
Hello again! Bit of a transitionary chapter here. I try to put at least one (but usually a few more) things in each chapter that will play some part in future parts of the story, so don't discount it entirely, but at the same time sometimes I feel like we all need a break from non-stop plot progression. Hopefully, in future chapters, we'll look back on these times fondly...
If you're new, Divinity is a web-serial I've been working on for a bit now. It's admittedly a bit of standard fantasy, but it's a story I've nurtured in my mind for quite some time now. If you like it I'd love to have you subscribe to any of the sites and/or leave feedback!
If Sci-Fi is more your thing, check out my short story, Valkyrie
! It's 3 chapters plus an epilogue. You'll read about Cara, a public affairs officer on assignment to cover a story of growing public unrest for the war against the rebellion, though she ends up learning the harsh realities that come with even a limited conflict. Enjoy!
submitted by Lightenant
The Best Guide to Having a Perfect First Date
!! Congratulations!! You have already asked that special person out and they have said yes to your first date. Or maybe they have asked you? Whatever the case, what nerves and what excitement! As you may already know, it is a proven fact that first impressions have a huge impact on how we view others. These begin in the first second of the meeting and are consolidated throughout the appointment. You will be surprised to know what factors influence the shaping of that first impression. If you want to discover them, keep reading.
Therefore, it is totally normal to be nervous before that big day.
You feel excited, a little anxious and with many questions in your mind: How should I behave? How should I deal with my anxiety? What should (and what should not) talk about? And, perhaps most important of all, assuming the date goes well, how do I take the next step?
Obviously, you don't want to show that you're trying too hard, but it's okay to have a plan to make sure everything is going well.
If you have met your date online, you only know your virtual personalities and you have painted an idealized image of the real person that hides behind the screen. So when it's first date time comes, you'll want to live up to that idyllic image.
Do not panic! We have helpful tips and we know exactly what works for an unforgettable date, how to avoid awkward silences, and what to do to get a second date.
Preparations for the first date
The day has arrived. Your head has been spinning with all kinds of possibilities and has imagined the date hundreds of times. The tingling in your stomach has not let you eat all day and you have been moving anxiously, from one side to another, unable to concentrate. Don't worry, it's normal. Without those feelings, your first date would be pretty boring.
To calm down a bit, prepare some things and then you will feel that you have the situation under control. In addition, it is never wise to leave everything to chance and what we are going to tell you does not have much science either. However, even the hours before the first date play an important role.
Pay attention and listen to us! We will find out what preparations
you have to make to have the best possible first date.
The pre-match: Get a self-esteem boost!
It starts with yourself. To free yourself from the nerves before the first date, give your self-esteem a boost! Everything is in your mind! Your date will immediately notice if you feel confident and your appearance gives a lot of clues about your personality. How to do it? 1. Get some exercise before your date
- even if it's just taking a quick walk around the block. That will make you feel strong, energetic and your endorphin levels will be at peak. A great way to feel good and impress your date. 2. Listen to your playlist of favorite songs while you prepare
What songs never fail to lift your spirits? Put them on, sing them and dance them! We assure you that they will have a very useful and positive side effect - they will make you happy. 3. Make a list of three positive aspects about yourself
You don't even have to write it, if you make the list in your mind, it will be enough. Think about your qualities. Do you have a knack for making people laugh? Use these kinds of things to your advantage. It also works with details related to your physical appearance.
Mental state is one of the fundamental parts of preparation. If before arriving you already feel small and insignificant, this feeling will accompany you throughout the appointment and will cause you to act clumsily and not be able to enjoy. Allow yourself to think that something big is about to happen. And get ready to enjoy that moment!
2. Choose well what you are going to wear
Take your time to prepare physically. Physical appearance is an essential part of preparing for your date (whether you are a woman or a man).
Not sure what to wear? Remember this tip. Think of your favorite photo. If someone asked you to show them your favorite photo, which one would you choose? You can also ask a friend for help to tell you which photo of you comes to mind when hearing this question. And tachyon, problem solved! The outfit you wear in that image is the one that makes you feel comfortable and looks great on you. Just pray that it's clean and ironed, if your appointment is in a few hours.
So, to give yourself enough time to prepare, don't schedule your appointment in the middle of other matters. In this way, you can prepare calmly and not feel, unnecessarily, the pressure of time.
Remember that what you wear should be consistent with the date you have planned. Don't overdo it, but don't sin otherwise. (Forbidden heels for an excursion and hoods to go to dinner at a restaurant). Here's your checklist before leaving home:
- Breath - Did you brush your teeth AND floss?
- Deodorant and Perfume - Do you smell good? Remember not to go overboard with perfume, we don't want to raise a headache with our body odor.
- Are your clothes and shoes perfectly clean and in good condition?
- Men - Have you shaved or trimmed your beard / mustache? Extra: nail check, are they clean and well cut?
- Women - Can you walk all day / night with these shoes? Extra: wear makeup, but don't go overboard.
3. Listen and pay attention
This is something that you should remember both before and during your first date. Why? You will discover a lot about the other person if you listen carefully. Listening is much more difficult than we think, as you have to fight the urge to want to keep your date entertained and not think you have no conversation starters.
What techniques could you use in relation to this aspect? It's all psychology. Follow this guide to get the most out of your first conversation:
- Practice active listening : How? Look for eye contact with the other person while they are speaking. React to what he says and laugh when he laughs (that is, imitate his reactions).
- Don't listen with just one ear . If you want to be a better listener, you have to focus, which is difficult if your conversation partner is telling a difficult story to follow or that raises a lot of questions. Try to stop your mind from spinning. If you still don't get the gist of what he's telling, feel free to ask questions. This shows that you are interested and that you care enough to ask.
- Think before you speak . A good listener will take some time before answering. Phrases like 'Give me a moment to think about that' make the speaker feel that you are reflecting on what they said and that you weren't wanting it to end just to start talking.
- Remember the things you talked about before your date . Do you already have some information about the other person's interests and hobbies? Keep it in mind during your conversation, so you will avoid asking only frivolous things and you will also feel more comfortable, even if it is the first time you see each other.
- Observe body language and changes in tone of voice . Following these cues will help you better interact and direct your responses.
- Last but not least: Forget your mobile! It's rude and will make your date feel like you don't care at all what they have to say. Better put it away.
4. Be yourself
Yes, this sounds cliche, but: Be honest! - or, in other words: don't pretend to be who you are not. The other person is supposed to like you just the way you are. So there is nothing positive about acting like an imposter just to impress her. On the contrary, putting on a mask during the entire date will only make you feel more uncomfortable.
Think about the future and when your potential relationship progresses from the first date. Nobody wants a relationship based on lies. Also, can you imagine how stressful it will be to have to maintain that facade? Almost impossible.
Even if you consider yourself a good actor, trying to be someone else will make both of you uncomfortable. Even if the other person does not realize at that moment that you are pretending, sooner or later they will find out.
5. Learn from the past
If this is not the first date of your life, think about everything that went wrong with your dates in the past. Now you can use what you have learned and improve. What things did you do wrong? It doesn't matter if you were late, talked about the wrong things, or wore an inappropriate outfit. Only by acknowledging your failures your failures can you improve as a person, and this is not true only for the dating world.
10 questions you should ask on a first date
Getting the conversation going on the first date is one of the great challenges. The first dates in which you connect from the beginning and you do not lack to talk about are not very common. Generally, what happens is that there comes a point in the conversation when you no longer know what to ask. This is where, most people turn to desperate questions like 'Do you have a brother or sister?', 'Where do you work'? or the classic 'It seems that the weather is starting to be nice right?'. Please avoid it! The problem, apart from falling into the cliches, is that these questions will not offer you enough information to give you an idea of whether the person you have dated would be a good potential partner for you.
Yes, your goal is to find out the more information the better about the person you are dating. But that's not why you should launch yourself into a point-blank, FBI-type interrogation. Having some original and interesting questions prepared in advance is a good way to keep the conversation going and there are awkward silences.
Attention! Remember to have in mind, in addition to your list of questions, also your own answers to them, just in case your date asks me to ask 'And you? You are the one who started the conversation and the one who wants to take it to their ground, so you better not get caught off guard. Spend some time on it and impress the other person with your 'impromptu' as well as interesting responses.
Here are 10 high-quality questions to keep the conversation flowing, avoid discomfort, and get to know your date better:
- What's the craziest and most spontaneous thing you've ever done in your life?
- If I gave you 500EUR right now what would you do with them?
- If the police stopped you and you told your friends the story, what would they think you did to break the law?
- What's the best advice you've been given so far?
- How were you when you were little?
- If you could change for one person for one day, who would you choose?
- How is your ideal partner?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having a special skill or quality, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you like to know?
- Could you text me to make sure you got home safely?
Choose two or three questions from this list. For each one of them, your date will need to think and look inside to be able to give a good answer. You can try to discover his inner child (Question 5) or his most secret desires (Question 6). These subtle provocations, hidden in the form of innocent questions, can change the tone of the conversation and will help you learn interesting aspects about that person. Bonus tip:
tap on your date. Of course we are not referring to a sexual contact. You will both be shy at first, but the longer it takes until you touch the other person, the more difficult it will be. Touching allows you to create a certain level of intimacy. So, a hug at the beginning or a light touch on the back could be enough to close the distances, and it will help you to realize if it is something you should repeat. So that you can have more room for maneuver and that it does not seem too forced, you should not sit opposite each other, but next to each other.
Psychological tricks: use science to have a successful date
Communication is divided into two parts: verbal and non-verbal. Only if the two intertwine will your chances of becoming an expert in communication and flirting increase. But why are these techniques so important? About 60% of all human communication is non-verbal, and the most important thing is the signals your body language sends, whether you are aware of them or not. 30% is paraverbal, that is, the way others notice your tone of voice and your intonation. So based on this, 90% of what you are communicating is not what you are actually saying. Knowing these data, what small behaviors can you introduce to get directly to the heart of your date? Follow these proven psychological tricks:
- Address the other person by name , from the beginning of the date. This will help you fix it in your mind and it will also make him like you more. People love to hear your name; makes us feel important.
- Note what color your date's eyes are . It's okay to know what color your eyes are, but that's not the interesting point. Doing so will allow you to establish eye contact and increase your charm.
- He nods his head . This simple trick is advanced psychology. If you want to encourage your date to agree with you, just nod your head as you speak. There is a strong possibility that he or she will do the same in their answer and trick their brain into thinking that they agree with you.
- Use the inverted triangle . The triangle technique will show that you are really listening to someone. Look first at one eye, then the other, and finally, direct your gaze to his mouth. The other person will understand that you are listening very carefully.
- Ask for favors. It starts with a small request, like asking for the salt shaker. People are more likely to like you later. Why? Their brain will think that they must already like you since they have done something for you.
Things you should avoid at all costs on your First Date
We all know that first dates are made to be awkward. There are some common mistakes that keep being repeated in almost all of them. So, let's see what are the things you MUST AVOID if you want to be successful. 1. Get too excited
Do not let your nerves make you speak in a rush, or move from one side of the chair to the other. Take a deep breath and relax. 2. Talk about your ex
Surprise, surprise. This is something that everyone should be clear about, but there are people who are still in love with their ex (whether they know it or not) and the topic always ends up coming up. In fact, you better not talk about any past relationships, unless you have been specifically asked about it. You are sitting next to a person you want to know better, the past does not matter now. 3. Use your phone
We have already told you before, but we insist. It is rude and makes the other person think that you are not interested in them. 4. Talk only about yourself
Nobody likes selfish or self-centered people. Try to keep a balanced scale in conversation. Ask and be interested in the answers. 5. Make it dificult
This could backfire very quickly. Misunderstandings will make the process of getting to know each other endless and building a healthy relationship more difficult. 6. Too many compliments
Bombarding compliments is not a good strategy. The only thing you will do is make your date feel awkward. If you decide to pay a compliment, be sincere and honest. 7. Ask 'And what are we?'
Not yet. It's your first date, so the answer is clear. You are two people who have a certain interest in each other. The rest will be seen later. 8. Being late
Being late is not sexy, nor does it make you look more interesting. That everything good is made waiting does not make sense in this context. If you have stayed for an hour, arrive on time and do not waste time. 9. Being unpleasant to others
The way you treat other people in front of your date gives a lot of clues about you. Be nice and show that you are educated. 10.Have very high expectations
This first date may lead you to a stable relationship, but it doesn't have to. If things don't go the way you imagined, don't let it go. Be positive and try again until you find the right person for you. 11. Interrupt
This has already been taught by your parents. Show respect by listening to the other person and answer only when they have finished what they had to say. Although, as we have mentioned, if you want to show that you are an active listener, you can interrupt with a few questions. 12. Get drunk
You will lose control over your body and your words and you will spoil your first date. A drink can help you with nervousness, but please don't go overboard and always remember that moderation is the key.
How to get a second date?
If the date has gone well and has met or even exceeded your expectations, surely you want to go further and go for the second, right? Do not miss the opportunity to know more about this incredible person. Now you have two chances to ask for a second date.
However, if you are unsure about another meeting or if the first date was a disaster, it is best to rule out a second date. If you have followed the steps in that guide, surely you have not been wrong and have tried to make sure everything works out. However, you can't force chemistry.
During the first date
You don't have to wait for a reasonable amount of time to ask her if she wants to go out on a second date. In fact, it is something you can do during the first one. But how can you steer the conversation and talk about your next meeting, without looking too eager about it? Rule one, don't ask too soon. Let at least an hour pass before the date and see if there is any chemistry between you. If the conversation allows it, they can launch a subtle suggestion, without expecting an immediate reaction. For example, if you are talking about Japanese food and you name your favorite restaurant, you can comment in passing that one day you will invite her to meet him. Then keep talking about how delicious eel sushi is, like nothing else, for a few seconds.
When the end of the first date is nearing, try to take advantage of a conversation you've had before and use it to ask a question. Here are some examples:
- This XY movie we were talking about is still in theaters. How about we go see her next week?
- I'm going to XY's concert this weekend. I'm sure you would love it. Do you want to come with me?
- By the way, I was serious when I said that XY has the best eel sushi in town. I'd love to take you for a try!
If the site you are on has some drawbacks, you can also take advantage of them to ask for a second date:
- Hahaha I don't think we should go back to this place. XY (food you just ate) is lousy. But I know of another restaurant near here. Maybe then I can make it up to you for this terrible choice.
After the first date
Your date is over and neither of you have dared to take the step and ask for a second, apart from the vague 'see you?'.
No problem! But you need to take action soon and there are several times when this is appropriate. You need a little empathy to choose which of these ideas might be a better fit. For example, if the other person has said that they are very tired, sending a message that night is not a good idea. The general rules here are: be sincere, honest, polite, and direct.
- Immediately after the appointment: ask if they have gotten home safely. If the conversation has a smooth transition, you are well on your way. Tell him that you had a great time and that you would love to repeat.
- The next morning: ask 'How did you sleep?' and then 'I had a great time last night and would like to see you again. How about we try XY of the talk, this weekend? '
- Pick up the conversation where you left off, even if it's been a couple of days. Example: 'I'm still laughing at the story you told me' - skip the small talk and just remind her how much fun you guys had.
- Compliment her on something she was wearing or on something you clearly remember from the date. Afterward, you can emphasize how much fun you had and suggest a second date.
For all these examples it is better that you always make a specific suggestion, with a date and place. But don't get desperate by suggesting a date for the day after your first one. Better leave some time and space - a couple of days of waiting makes the desire to see you again grow and flourish.
Last but not least: How to end the first date?
At the beginning, we already talked about the importance of first impressions. But this is not the only significant moment on your date. Psychology says it, what we remember best is the first and last thing that happens. This is called the Serial Position Effect and you can use it to your advantage.
Your date will remember that first and last moment of your evening. So, even if you think that everything has gone smoothly, if you screw it up in the goodbye part, your chances of success will have decreased considerably. But, if you pay attention to this part, getting a second date will be a breeze. Before ending this article, here are some final tips on how you should end your first date:
- A little physical affection will stick on both of your minds and will also help show your interest in a second date. If you're not sure your date wants to hug you too, just ask. Something more romantic, like a kiss, should not be discussed in advance, as that would end all the magic. You will both know if that moment has come, without needing to speak.
- If you're not sure if you want a second date, please stay polite and say thanks for the evening. A time of reflection before making a decision can be very helpful. But remember that if you go on a second date, you are not committing to anything, just a conversation and spending a couple of hours together.
- For men - Make sure your date gets home safely. Ask her for a taxi, take her home or to the station. Be a gentleman and make her feel safe. Finally, do not forget to send the message of 'Have you arrived safely?'.
- End the date with a short joke or something funny. Nobody could hurt a little giggle.
Now that you have information on how you should behave on your first date, everything should go smoothly. Remember these tips and succeed in love! There’s a relationship “secret ingredient” that a man craves in order to feel intense, committed love. Without it, he will always keep one foot out the door.
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